My wonderful 30yr old boyfriend of 7 months seems to have an alcohol abuse problem. When we first got together he would always bring alcohol with him to my place literally EVERY time we met up, which could be 8 tins, or a box of wine, or 3 bottles of wine, or a mixture. He could easily drink a box of wine to himself. When he drinks, he just doesn't stop, he never goes to the pub/clubs since I've known him, he drinks at home alone, or at my place. He's told me about times in the past when he has spent literally hundreds of pounds in one night on booze constantly buying the rounds for everyone he is with, we've discovered this is because he drinks far faster than anyone else, and so when he wants another drink before everyone else is ready to get their round in, he ends up buying them all in.
I had a Hallowe'en party last year, we'd been together about 6 weeks, and it was the first time he was meeting my friends. He brought with him a large (70cl?) bottle of vodka. All night he was drinking the vodka straight, out of tall tumbler glasses, and they were full glasses (with ice tho). By the end of the night he'd gone through 3/4 of the bottle on his own. During the night he'd knocked my mirror off my wall, knocked my tall freezer out of place, was telling me off for handling his DVD's wrong, spilt vodka on my carpet, started F'ing at me and arguing with me because I asked him to leave. Two of my friends ended up staying late with me to make sure he would leave because he was arguing and F'ing at me. Oh, he also chose this 'wonderdul' night to tell me he loves me for the first time!
There was one occasion where he'd had alot to drink again, we'd gone to bed, and I was asleep, I woke to find his hand was edging bit by bit into my PJ bottoms, he kept moving a bit more then stopping, then moving further, like he was waiting for a reaction, I didn't do or say anything straight away as I wanted to see what he was going to try knowing I was asleep, his hand then attempted to enter my knickers when I totally flipped and kicked him out. I was, and still am, totally disgusted that he knew I was sleep and he tried to move his hand into my knickers.
Another time, he tried taking things further while I was awake but he'd tons to drink again, we were on the bed, I was knealing/bent over on bed stretching my back out (I have a bad back) and he tried to enter me from behind, I asked him to stop, and he did, then tried to carry on again, I asked him to stop, he carried on, I kinda froze, and something in him clicked and he said should I stop, and we had an argument about it.
When he's at home drinking on his own, he's ignored my phone calls coz he doesn't want us to speak on the phone when he's had a drink in case he slurrs or can't communicate properly.
He's a complete workaholic, he's got his day job, and his own business that he works on when he gets home from his other job, and he works till 2 or 3am sometimes.
I'm re-reading what I've written and it's doesn't sound like a big deal, I don't think I'm explaining it very well. These are only some examples.
His Mum doesn't like his drinking habits and has had to collect him on occasions when he's gotten into a situation (he was walking home one night from a works Xmas night out, he decided to walk across a very busy round about and got tangled up in thorn bushes cutting himself and shredding his shirt).
I get very nervous when he drinks because he's a very different person, he's not a typical nasty person or anything, but he does make me nervous, I think he makes himself nervous too because you can see it in his eyes.
Since Xmas he's promised me about 4 times that he'll keep a drinking diary, the idea was that he would write down every time he thought about having a drink, or when he actually had a drink, and how much, or why he wanted to drink. And then he could look back on it and see how much he drinks etc. I even bought the diary for him. He keeps failing to do this. Each time he promises he's doing it, it lasts for about 2 weeks, then I don't hassle him or ask him about it until the subject comes up again, and then I find out he hasn't done the diary. He know's he has a problem with it and needs to sort it out before it gets worse. I've threatened to end the relationship if he doesn't do something to sort it out.
He did stop drinking for 2 weeks solid, and he has cut down alot on the amount he drinks, although he does still mix his drinks. But I don't think this is going to solve things long term as it hasn't tackled the root of the problem and his understanding.
I really need some advice, I love him dearly, but I don't want to put myself at risk of things getting worse in future.
I've been doing research on all sorts of internet sites, and sent him all sorts of information, he;s says he wants my 'active' help. He once mentioned going to AA, and I offered to go with him, but then I didn't hear anything more of it.
How can I help him? How can he help himself?|||Helping someone who is not ready to change their behaviour may be difficult and the decision for them to get help is ultimately theirs. Sometimes you may get so concerned over someone else's alcohol consumption that you may not be looking after yourself. It is important that you keep yourself safe. It may be helpful for you to talk to someone you trust about what is going on and how you feel. This may be a family member, a drug and alcohol counsellor or your local doctor.
Speaking with an organisation who specialises in alcohol and drug issues and treatment may be helpful for working out how best to approach your concerns. The Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS) or Ted Noffs Foundation provide help and information for those who are using alcohol.
Alcohol and Drug Information Service Numbers in each Australian state
鈥?NSW
Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS) - 02 9361 8000 OR 1800 422 599
鈥?ACT
ADIS - 02 6205 4545
鈥?VIC
Direct Line (Drug Advice) - 1800 888 236
Family Drug and Alcohol Help 1300 660 068 or 03 9573 1730
鈥?QLD
ADIS - 07 3837 5989 OR 1800 177 833
鈥?TAS
ADIS - 1800 811 994 or 03 416 1818
鈥?SA
ADIS - 08 8363 8618 OR 1300 131 340
鈥?WA
ADIS - 08 9442 5000 OR 1800 198 024
鈥?NT
ADIS - 1800 629 683 or Darwin 08 8922 8399 or Alice Springs 08 8951 7580
Amity Community Services - 1800 684 372
鈥?DrugInfo Clearinghouse 1300 85 85 84|||Tell him to his face that he has a problem, and that if he loves you, then he will change for you! threaten to leave him. And if he keeps this up then you deserve better! Don't put up his bull crap
good luck and i am really sorry|||My suggestion would be to take a look at this informational site about alcohol abuse: http://www.alcoholabuse.com/alcohol-abus鈥?/a> it has tons of helpful and useful information about alcohol abuse, its symptoms and causes, treatment options that are available and more.
Another recommendation that I have for you is to call this toll-free helpline, 1-800-714-8354, and speak to a trained professional who deals with similar situations as your boyfriends, and they will be able to help you with what steps he should be taking next, in order to get back on track. They also will help you with how you should approach him, and deal with this situation. And if you have any questions I would suggest asking them, they will help you more so than anyone on here will.
Good Luck to you and your boyfriend, Stay Strong he will make it through this.
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