A man's sexual needs are odd. It is like a beast that needs to be constantly fed. If he doesn't get the caliber and amount of sex at home, he will look elsewhere for it.
He finds a woman who will feed those sex needs. Now, this is a sex buddy and nothing more. He still loves you the same, but needs his sex needs tended to, much like having an outside contractor take care of cleaning out the gutters.
Now, honestly, it still hurts. A man cannot love you and cheat. It is mutual exclusive terms.
"Darling, my love for you knows no bounds, but that woman down the street can give a sleeve job like she was born to it."
He basically wants to be able to park his Buick in any garage that seems to fit it.
I would be terrible hurt and confused, as someone who loves you does not treat you this shabby.Can you really love someone and then cheat on them?
Dump the scumbag. He has been cheating far longer than he will ever admit.Can you really love someone and then cheat on them?yes but there has to be something in them that they don't have that you want.
belive that he will cheat again,and lie about it.Can you really love someone and then cheat on them?It's possible that he loves you...but there's a big difference in loving someone and loving someone enough to stay faithful.Can you really love someone and then cheat on them?
No, you can not really love someone with all of your heart and cheat on them. If you love someone, you wouldn't even think about breaking their heart like that.
If you can not trust him, then you have nothing.
If he really and truly loved you he never would have cheated in the first place or would want to hurt you like that...In my opinion anybody who cheats doesnt give a **** about their spouse or marriage..Divorce him cause you deserve better.Can you really love someone and then cheat on them?
It is possible to love two people at one time. The problem comes when the 'cheater' does not respect the commitment that was made. I believe his commitment to you was not strong enough or important enough to him. 15 years.............that's rough.
Research a good marital counselor. Go and see them. Once you resolve your own concerns and issues, then you will be able to decide what you should do. REMEMBER, other people's actions have zero to do with you - even though they will tell you they do!
Im still young so I dont know anything in the ways of merrige, but personally I dont think it is possible. Love is a commitment and if he really loves you then he will stick to that commitment. That dosent mean run out and divorce and what not, I plainly hate that word and the concept. But still, from a personal standard I would never do it. And I plainly say that : I dont think its possible to say "I love you" and go cheat. It dosent make sence.
It is true you can love someone and not be completely honest. That is not an excuse for what your husband has done however. The question now is do you love him enough to forgive him and try to make it work. It will take time and a lot of work but trust can be rebuilt.
This is a hard situation and no matter what you do... forgive him or leave, you are going to have a long hard road with your feelings and answering the questions that you are asking..... but you do have to decide how you feel about the things you are asking and how you feel about what YOUR husband is saying... we don't know him. I know you are desperate to find a place to put this pain and your head is probably going in circles, analyzing every part of it.... I am so sorry for your pain... but you have to go through it and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks but you and him.
Counseling would probably help, whether you go alone or to marriage counseling. God bless you.
well he had to be at least a little unhappy to go do it. Id say he still loved you yes but he probably wanted new excitement or liked the attention she gave him
Believe in YOURSELF!
Why did he tell you? To upset you? He was feeling guilty? Why?
Either way, he might love you, but he obviously does not respect you.
My dad used to say he wouldn't quit lookin' until he was 6 feet under...but lookin' ain't touchin'!
I'm a guy who has been married for 21 years, and I love my wife. However, I also respect her AND our relationship! If I'm cheating on her, then I can't truly love and respect her.
If he's telling you about 1 time, how many others has he not told you about?
You know what to do...
Good luck!
Did he tell you why he cheated? Normally if someone has to cheat there is a problem in the marriage.Take some time to be by your self and think things out as he should think also. If he loves you as much as he says then why and it should of never ever happend.
It's very hard to have to deal with trust issue. I'm not sure if there's anything anyone can say to make it all better. I know it take time to heal. The best advice I can give is to be patience and understanding. I hope it will all work out at the end. Good luck.
He has convinced himself the affair was justified. You are right that you should not trust him again.
If you love some one that will keep you faithful. How can you hurt some one your suppose to love and protect.
Good Luck
Well you will definitely have a hard road ahead of you. No matter what you do, you must never blame yourself. 15 years is a majorly long time, so I'm sure you don't want to throw away what you've had in the past. Your husband needs to be able to respond to you and work with you 100% if it is still going to work. You will obviously have to earn his trust back and that will take a really long time and he must know that up front. There is no doubt in my mind that he still loves you, after 15 years how could he not. Best of luck, it won't be easy, but if your decision is to stick with him, then you must fully decide that and remember that every step of the way. Forgive but don't forget!
i can completely understand since i was cheated on as well. i would much rather have heard my husband say that he fell out of love during the time of cheating. but he sticks with loving me then as much as he does now. so what would make him not cheat now? that doesnt make any sense to me and there isnt a logical answer to it. i am really sorry you are going thru this. mine cheated a year ago, including lies and there isnt any trust from my side which is really sad.
This response deals largely with the comments left. One stated that he likely desired the attention of another woman. This is a natural biological and emotional response, yet it is WRONG. We have the ability to control our thoughts and emotions. This relates to the "lookin aint touchin" comment as well. Particularly for a man; he is aroused visually. I f a man looks, he'll want to touch. He needs to learn to control his eyes. Finally, to address the issue of why he told you; I would guess that it was a highly selfish motivation. Cheaters think they can liberate themselves by burdening you with the truth. Of course you deserved to know, but ask him why he told you. He likely wont be honest with you but try to read between the lines. He's doing it for himself. As far as trust goes, if you decide to stay, trust will take a long time to rebuild and he'll have to work to earn it. He can have no secrets. you should have access to emails, phone messages, etc. Secrets do not make a strong marriage. If he is unwilling to give you complete access to his life, he's hiding something. PLEASE READ "LOVE MUST BE TOUGH" by Dr. JAmes Dobson, and under NOOOO circumstances let him know your reading it. I promise you this book will help you heal your marriage or know when to let it go. really, read it.
No, I don't think you love someone if you cheat on them. I was cheated on, and he ended up doing it 2 more times before I got rid of him....yeah I am stupid!
You are saying that this was a thought out plan and he lied as well? This is exactly what happened to me. He would come home and stand in front of me and lie right to my face when I knew something was going on. I really hate liars and I don't understand how anyone claiming to be in love can sneak around like that.
I understand that you have a lot of time invested in this relationship, and I am sure it would be very difficult to leave him; but I can tell you that yes, some won't; but most will if ya ask me. Life is short as we all know. Your time is precious and in my opinion it should not be wasted on someone who would lie and sneak around. Love has nothing to do with that indeed. He is right about that!
I wish you well, and I hope that things work out for you either with him or without him.
I completely agree with Husband 1st Kids 2nd..
Hi! first of all, how can he love you if he does nt love himself, if he truly loved you, he would have never cheated on you in the first place. I really do feel your pain, my wife had an affair and left me, I have learned to trust in God, because Jesus has all my answers, and leads my life.....Jesus loves you, He hates a broken heart, if you believe in him, all you have to is ask him to forgive you of all your sins, then invite him to come into your heart, he will heal you, pour his love on you and more.....take care....may God be with you
if it was any more than a one night stand, it was planned and plotted, and thought about, and he made choices, and did it consciously, he loves u now because the new relationship did not work out, had it worked he would have been gone from your life. u did trust him and count on him, but now i doubt if u ever can again, because when he was doing all this behind your back he did n't show love. but since it did not work out he is slinking back to u because your all he has. a person who cheats on u has no love for u, and is not thinking of your best interest, just his own. he stopped loving u for awhile, he had to to let her into his heart.
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